A War to Win
by Caeyle
Summary: Jake and Tobias- the last battle- regrets and angst


~*~ A War to Win By Caeyle ~*~  
  
Rated: PG for language Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.  
  
  
  
JAKE  
  
Everything is going wrong. Nothing was supposed to happen like this. Anything could go wrong in this extremely messed-up plan of mine. I've lost my leadership skills over time, the ability to reason, to think, to plan and wait. Even if we win, it won't be a victory.  
  
Why was I chosen as leader? It could have been any one of you, and you all picked me. Why not Cassie? Why not Tobias? Tobias- you would have been a good choice. Smart, brave, devoted. So devoted you gave up your human life, your own life to fight what seemed a losing cause. It still could be. Your life wasn't the best, but still, it's a hard choice: human or animal. You could have given up and left. But you would never have done that- would you? You were the one who had convinced us to get involved in this war in the first place.  
  
I killed my brother. I killed the yeerk inside of him. Do you kill your brother so you can kill the enemy? I'm going to kill my cousin. Why don't I just kill my parents and my aunt too? Okay. That was not a logical thought. None of this is logical. It's all just too confusing. I'm killing my cousin, I'm killing Tobias' girlfriend. Strange, Tobias, that I should be thinking of you right now, you and Rachel.  
  
We were all so innocent, back in our early years, when we had fought our first battle. So innocent, so inexperienced, so optimistic. I never dreamed I would actually kill my brother. My own brother. The whole reason I even got involved in this damn war was to save Tom.  
  
So why? Any one of you would be a better leader. I was undecided too, I just didn't show it. Couldn't show it, when you were all depending on me like that. But I was, and that could have led us all to our downfall. We were so close to death many times, but somehow we had made it all through.  
  
It's not fair. Nothing's fair. This whole situation isn't fair. I wonder what we'll all do when this war is over. If this war is over. If any of us are still alive. War has become so much a part of me, I won't know what to do when it's over. If it ever ends.  
  
And I want it to end. End now, end fast. Maybe there's another way to do it, without killing Rachel, but I can't see it. And if we wait- we may be too late. Defeat the yeerks, let some people keep their innocence at least, have it written in one short chapter in the history book like World War One, instead of having to experience it firsthand.  
  
I want it to end. End before we get to tired to fight, before all of us are enslaved or killed, before the andilates decide to blow us up. I want it to end, and this is the only thing I can think of.  
  
  
  
TOBIAS  
  
Why did you do it? Why? I suppose nothing matters to you now. I can see it in your eyes, a desperate, ruthless, cornered wolf. You're turning into her.  
  
Rachel.  
  
Why? Can't we win this war without- no, never mind. No war can be won without sacrifices. But haven't we made sacrifices enough? But why Rachel? You should have picked me. Rachel still has family, I don't. I'm just this worthless bird that happens to once have been human and has an alien uncle.  
  
But I'm human enough. Human enough to be scared and angry-- not on the simple level of the bird, but the complex level of the human. Human enough to love, really love, not just instinctively want to mate. I loved her, and you sent here away. To die. On a hopeless mission. But they all were hopeless, weren't they?  
  
I can understand you now. You didn't go yourself because you're a coward. You didn't send me because I'm a coward. That's all I've ever been: a coward. Yes, that's the truth.  
  
Damn you. My role model since, what? 7th grade? 8th grade? I can't remember any longer. You saved me many times, only to kill me. I can't live without her. I need her. Send anyone but her. But she's the only one crazy enough to do it, and you knew it. That's what I loved about her. That's what I hate about her. She always gets in trouble with it. Now it will lead her to her death.  
  
I thought you two were nothing alike. But now I can see it showing in you too.  
  
Don't do it, don't do it, Jake. But if you can do it, sentence your own cousin to death, and if Rachel is willing. I can't stop you from saving the world by my own selfishness, can I? That's what makes you a good leader, the ability to see each of our strengths and weaknesses, and use them. And your selfishness doesn't hinder you.  
  
You aren't yourself any more. Much too desperate, much too undecided. You're killing yourself by doing this. But I suppose you know what you're doing.  
  
Go on, then. I'm ready, as ready as I can be. I will fight under your command-- one last time. I'm ready, fearless leader. 


End file.
